This is me
I have always read those weight loss stories over and over again. I would open up Shape magazine or scroll through my Instagram account. Always thinking how I wish that could be me. How I could have my own success story someday.
Well now I can say that I have that success story and as hard as it is to tell it; here it is:
At 10 years old, I cried as I stepped on the scale to see a dreadful number at school during PE. I was devastated that I weighed about 30lbs more than the other girls. They teased me and being a shy person already, I raised my walls up even further. Heart broken and embarrassed, I went home and asked my mom for help. She and I started Weight Watchers that following week. It worked for a few years, but I found myself losing interest and not caring and my clothes were tight again.
Needless to say, I tried Weight Watchers, The Dr.Phil diet, The South Beach Diet, and many more that was a yo-yo process for the next few years.
I never became that “skinny girl” I pictured in my head. I always saw myself as fat and not good enough when I looked in the mirror. I am always my worst critic. And some days I would simply starve myself and just drink water and maybe eat an apple.
Even though I saw myself as “fat” my senior year in high school, little did I know that it would get much worse in college and I was a size 9! My parents got a divorce, and between school and my internship the weight piled on and before I knew it I was the biggest I have ever been. None of my clothes fit.
The day I realized how bad it had become was the day I decided it was time to buy new clothes. Jake and I went into a department store. I had to buy clothes in a size I never thought I would ever have to buy. I tried on a pair of size 16 jeans, and even though they were tight, I could button and zip them up. And I cried in that dressing room absolutely disgusted with myself.
From that day, I began to slowly clean up my diet and learn more about nutrition than fad diets that says “lose 30 lbs in 30 days!” or something ridiculous like that. It’s a gimmick.
My weight loss was slow. Mainly due to stress and thinking I was eating healthy enough. Like eating those frozen Healthy Choice or Smart Ones meals. I would get so incredibly frustrated year after year thinking I was eating healthy, when in reality I was in denial. I knew I needed to eat super clean to get the results I wanted. I was happy in my comfort zone of lifting 5lb dumbbells and believing that the elliptical at the gym was going to take me places…
However, I knew deep down I needed to break from my comfort zone to get the results. I guess I didn’t want it bad enough until a year ago.
Today is a very special day. Because December 15th of last year was the very first day I took my healthy journey seriously. This day was the day I walked into my first Rare CrossFit class and fell in love with fitness for the first time.
For the first time I truly knew I was doing the right thing for my health. That I was actually pushing myself to getting my confidence back. I wanted it bad and willing to work HARD for it.
(From our July workout)
And if you can recall, I wrote about my 6 months at Rare CrossFit last time, I talked about the Whole30 and how Rare CrossFit + Whole30 = results. I now am smaller than I was in high school! I wear a size 8 (which are getting big) and I actually feel “skinny” for the first time in my life!but more importantly I'm the fittest I've ever been! That's my New Years Resolution for 2016. Become fitter than ever before!
Nutrition finally makes sense to me. I eat clean (mainly Paleo) and I started to see a drastic change in my body (finally!). I meal prep, and workout 4 times a week. I even have completed 2 races this year! For the first time in my life I see someone beautiful when I look in the mirror instead of the “fat girl”. I see me. I see someone who is strong and confident.
I found my happy place. A place where there are no limits to what I can do. This isn’t a 30 day finish line. I have learned that this a journey that shouldn’t have a finish line. You keep pushing on.
And guys, I didn't do this all alone. I wouldn't have gotten this far if it weren't for Jake. He truly is my rock and supports everything I want to achieve. Including me running home a year ago today telling him we are signing up for this CrossFit thing 😉 I love you!
I also intend to see all of you at the Super Fit Nationals Competition in February! Cause Jake And I will be there as Team Swole Mates! As one of my New Year’s Resolutions I want to compete in a CrossFit competition and do several more races next year! Let’s kick some ass!