DISCLAIMER: I am not a doctor or a nutrition specialist. Also, if you have or have had eating disorders in the past you may be triggered by this post (and should skip if it’s not for you). Just a per-caution as I want to be sensitive to others! This is MY journey and what is currently working for me in my path of health and wellness. As always, YOU do YOU.<3
[Also, it's a LONG one! So best enjoyed with your morning cup of coffee or tea!]
As I mentioned in my last post, finding food freedom has been harder than any other diet I’ve been on.
But what made me want to do something HARDER than a diet?
Because I was TIRED.
Tired of feeling less than
Tired of feeling my body wasn’t good enough
Tired of feeling like I HAD to follow someone else’s diet plan
Tired of GUESSING what was best for me.
Who knew my own body knew what it wanted?
That if I just let go of these plans,schedules,scales, etc. that my body would naturally settle into its leanness.
It took me WAKING UP after DECADES of yo-yo dieting to realize it’s not for me. To walk away.
To timidly walk into the unknown.
Will I gain it all back?
What if I fail?
What if all the progress I’ve made is lost?
These were the anxious thoughts rolling around in my head during the beginning.
GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION
But after I allowed myself to eat foods that were previously “off limits”. I found that those foods made me feel groggy. Irritable. Tired. And I even discovered I have a gluten intolerance because I was ACTUALLY paying attention to my body.
Yes. Even after multiple Whole30 rounds I STILL wasn’t listening to my body. I was so restricted that all I could think about was pizza.
Now that pizza was no biggie, I realized that anytime I consumed gluten it felt like solid cement in my stomach that caused me so much discomfort.
It was MIND BLOWING.
It took a WHILE to get here.
ITS ALL IN YOUR HEAD.
It was not only waking up to that diet culture has everything twisted and contorted to ALWAYS be in a position to take your money and time. But most importantly it messes with your MIND.
Did you know that 96% of women who diet gain it all back?
That’s the equivalent of saying there’s a 96% FAILURE rate.
Why do we subject ourselves to these plans that are DESIGNED for us to come back to?
This was only the tip of the iceberg.
It was ME all along
The rest was all me.
To dig deep and realize my unhappiness with my body/image wasn’t the problem. But a symptom.
To my underlying emotions.
I learned at a young age to cope with heavy emotions with food. In fact feelings were often discouraged in my childhood.
I used to push feelings aside. Never feeling them completely. Instead found comfort in food.
THEN beat myself up by over exercising and starvation.
The other side of the coin was that food was such a hot commodity in my house. It seemed so much focus was on it.
I was told I’d be a “big girl” if I ate what was on my plate. But also was told if I didn’t finish my plate I was “ungrateful” or “selfish” that there’s starving children out there. It was a lose/lose.
Hence my bad relationship with food. Why I would still finish my plate when I was no longer hungry. Why I felt such shame if I did.
I now know better because I’ve tuned in and have become so much better at knowing my hunger and fullness levels.
What surprised me is how LITTLE my body needed.
I was so out of touch with my physical hunger.
Hunger is NOT scary. It’s NATURAL.
The minute I snapped my view of the single tree to the tree line it all changed.
That I began to give myself NO CHOICE but to love my body like never before.
To eat REAL FOOD.
To realize that no matter what I looked like, what my diet looked like, how many muscles I have, I am with my body forever! It’s the SAME body!
So that’s why you should BREATHE.
Give yourself grace and kindness.
To physically put your hand over your heart and thank your body for automatically having it beat for you every second of your life. [Seriously, do it right now. ]
It was never about the food. It was never about the weight.
WAKE UP to loving and taking care of your mind and body daily.
To learn something new about yourself.
You are more capable than you realize.
Did you know every thought you have creates a PHYSICAL micro-tubule scaffolding in your brain? Like it creates a physical cell and can alter your brain physically in TEN MINUTES?!?!
So you have a CHOICE.
Choose to interrupt the spiral.
Of the inner monologue of
“I’m not fit enough”
“I’ll never be the size I want to be”
“I’m so fat today, might as well eat the whole thing of Oreos”
INTERRUPT THAT POO.
CHOOSE to be grateful
CHOOSE to love your body (even if you don’t like parts of it) - it’s ok!
CHOOSE to build that tiny scaffolding in your brain to build a process of LOVE not hate.
If you hate yourself all the way to your goal weight…what was the point?
All to say. Dig deep.
Find your root cause of why you behave around food the way you do.
Only then can you see the change burning inside which will have the physical results you want to see as a by product. Which is sustainable for LIFE.
No more fad diets.
Just you. Listening to your hunger cues. Feeding your body things that make it feel good.
No one has ever felt bad eating real Whole Foods from the earth. Can’t argue there.
Ok, now that I’ve written a novel the next part I’m going to tackle is my stages of food freedom. Where I talk about what I ate in the beginning to where I am now.